Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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