I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
