Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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