Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
