they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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