Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
