I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
