You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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