she looked like the bat from fern gully.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
