Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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