turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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