I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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