I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
