How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
