It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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