He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
