i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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