First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
