If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
