instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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