i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
