you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
