no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
