I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
