My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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