Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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