onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Come see our sink grown plant.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
