I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
