I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
