But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
