Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
