I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
