I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
