i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
