no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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