Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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