Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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