Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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