why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
