Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
