my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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