i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
