I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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