hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
