Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sorry about my life...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
