And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
