If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
soo... how was my night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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