I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
