so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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