I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
