We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
