i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
