xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
