At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
